I know I am undeserving of your bounty; but if I were to tell you what hardships I have undergone—to what frightful extremities I have been reduced—and to what infamy I have submitted, to earn a scanty subsistence for this child's sake, —if you could feel what it is to stand alone in the world as I do, bereft of all who have ever loved me, and shunned by all who have ever known me, except the worthless and the wretched,—if you knew (and Heaven grant you may be spared the knowledge!) how much affliction sharpens love, and how much more dear to me my child has become for every sacrifice I have made for him,—if you were told all this, you would, I am sure, pity rather than reproach me, because I cannot at once consent to a separation, which I feel would break my heart. “I’m not so sure. He may not know you’re in England, but if he has the smallest knowledge of your character, he must surely be expecting you. ” 174 < 21 > THANKSGIVING She padded softly up the old stairs, exhausted and elated. “Perhaps your engagements are made for you. Twenty guineas, mind. Why should I?” “At last,” he murmured, “at last I have found you. “All these days I have taken her for you. ” He was very indifferent. There must be ways of getting rid of him. She passed down the stairs and into the street. ’ She paused, holding her nurse’s eyes. When at first she had realized that he 206 had conducted a sexual affair with a local well-known Florentine courtesan she called him out, accusing him of exposing her to an array of diseases.
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